Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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