the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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