Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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