I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
