Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.

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(512): View more from Texas

I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I threw up into my coffee this morning.

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(360): View more from Washington

Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"

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(907): View more from Alaska

Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake

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(614): View more from Ohio

A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML

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