took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
