let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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