My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize