Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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