I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
