dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
