i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't turn off my feet"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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