Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
