You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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