Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
