Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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