Where is the hickey?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
being pregnant is like rehab
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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