You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
