she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Be still, my beating vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
