you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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