I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
