Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
