look no pants
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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