apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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