I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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