she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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