I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
