i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
