Joe is yelling at the trees again.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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