im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
