eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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