he shaved USA in his pubs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
