my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
