She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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