Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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