Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
