Screwed.edu
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
