There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
40s are totally the cure
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
