I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
