a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
