Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
