I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am one with the molecules
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
