I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
