just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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