have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
