Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
