i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
