the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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