I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
