If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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