The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
