And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
