Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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