So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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