I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
