I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
