I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
