I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
