my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
