I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well you can't waste a boner
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize