My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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