new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
