Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
