ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
