at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
