Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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