if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize