If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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