Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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